I sure am glad I learned about Shakespeare instead of how to do taxes. It has been quite handy during Othello season
Outside doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts. Don't believe me? Check the refrigerator
I should get better at Astrology. Then when I'm in a bad mood I can just blame it on planets and stuff
How To Tell If The Cauliflower Is Ready 1. Who cares? 2. It's cauliflower 3. I'm not going to actually eat it 4. Why am I here? 5. Which aisle has the Cheese Its? That's the one I want
Please help my pride by putting shopping carts in the section of the store where I realize I can't carry it all.
A lot of the things we commonly eat are pretty weird when you really think about it: -Fruits and nuts are essentially plant abortions. -One of the most common red food colorings in the world is made from a dried and ground beetle. -Gelatin is what you get when you boil animal bones and connective tissue and then let the remaining liquid cool yet we decide to add sugar, bright colors, and fruit to it and call it dessert. -Butter milk, sour cream, yogurt, and most cheeses are really just various stages of rotten milk. -Honey is bee vomit.
OMG yes. "I just need one or two things, I don't need a cart" Then I'm at the other side of the store juggling stuff and wishing for a cart. I always love this fact. So many people don't know or realize or want to know. It's not like the cartoons where bees carry pollen in buckets to the hive folks lol
Eggs are chicken periods. Though is fhefe a way to determine which eggs have chicks and which don't? Anyone who grew up on a farm or worked with chickens? Because ive always wondered about that.
At this point, if someone actually wanted to give an iPad to their one millionth site visitor, no one would believe them.
There is, its called "Candling", but it cant be done on freshly laid eggs, its easiest if the egg had been set for a few days to a week.
When the neurologist tells me that the test Im getting consists of a series of electrical shocks through my legs from a "Very small" needle, should I have said "Sweet...turn up the voltage and use as big a needle as you feel like"? Will this damn gown cover up a possible chubby?
If I was a famous person, I would sign everything in hotel rooms so that the temptation to steal the alarm clock or mess with the mini bar would go up immensely.
Maybe they could have buttons you could push throughout the store that activate a signal light so an employee could bring an emergency cart to you.
*scream* you know I love that song! We can make a thread within a thread... in the words of the 20th century prophet George Carlin; "stuff breeds stuff"
And from the late, great George Carlin, himself: And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.” ― George Carlin
And a very tricky balancing act that comes with it... then part of me hopes to find an abandoned cart lol
Whenever I think that my personal fetishes may be a little too abnormal or specific, I look at the categories section of clips4sale and think, "Wow, I'm super vanilla in comparison!"
After I pay a bunch of bills, I make sure to eat candy for dinner to remind myself that being an adult is, in fact, awesome.
Plop plop fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is. I keep wondering, after 60 years I still don't have an answer, but what can a person eat or swallow that will make them both constipated and make their poop fizz?
The phrase, "no use crying over spillt milk." Makes me wonder who spilled it, and while it might be a shame and a waste, they must be really emotionally fragile to be crying over it.
