Somewhere in the world someone is known in their friend group as the guy who took a pornstars virginity. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Monopoly got one thing right: Free parking is freaking hard to get. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Speed bumps protect people from accidents by increasing the risk of accident if people are not careful. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
If Noah's Ark actually happened, then we are living in a post-apocolyptic world -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Using your laptop to buy another one is like asking it to dig its own grave -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Porn is the only type of movies where spoilers are allowed in the title. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
The most unrealistic thing about Monopoly is that everyone starts with the same amount of money -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Companies will treat you better as a new customer than a loyal customer who has been with them for 20 years -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
The higher you go in a building the cleaner the stairs get -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Traditions are nothing but peer pressure from dead peoples. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
You know how good a salesman is based on how disappointed you are with the product afterwards. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
We think of people sleeping in as lazy, yet people going to bed early are not considered lazy -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun. This makes all of our problems 3rd world problems. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Parenting is like redoing your childhood but in spectator mode. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
"Flu-like symptoms" is the "tastes like chicken" of the medical world -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Vending machines are slot machines with a 99% chance of getting what you wanted. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
One of the craziest moments growing up as a kid was realising that teachers exist and have a life outside of school. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
80% of the time taken to masturbate to porn is choosing the porn video to masturbate to -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
I'd love to see their face when they find out they did!lol I'm sure it will be the same look if I ever tell them about my Bunny Ranch Adventures!
Here is one. I worked with this girl who wanted Bigger Boobs. She bought a cream to make them Bigger. I told her stop wasting her money I think you are Sexy besides wouldn't the cream make your hands Bigger too! She laughed and gave me a hug! A few years later the plant closed and she took some of her savings and got her Boobs done!
I know they would say Bullshit then I'd show them your picture and it would get real quiet! You do leave us speechless!
No I'm not! Did you see the one guys face at Hash House when he saw you! His eyes were as big as our pancake! Awww it's nice to know that I can still make you Blush and I hope you know you always leave me speechless!
I have my pinch me moments where you leave me speechless. I don't completly shut down but for a few moments I don't have the words to complement you and sometimes I'm just trying to take in everything I'm seeing. When I'm at home and you post a HOT picture or say something sweet to me on the boards or livestream. I get butterflies and All I can say is WOW! When I'm there and the moment when come out and greet me before our party. I'm not just speechless but sometimes breathless! I get it together then we get to your room and it happens again! I still look at you through the eyes of the rejected guy who can't believe I get to party with you.
