An elderly madam walks into a bar, and announces that she will spend the night with whoever can guess the weight of her pet canary that's sitting on her little finger. An old drunk yelled out, "Fifty pounds!" She replied, "Close enough."
Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?" The old woman replies shyly, "Depends... ."
Given the recent slowdown in iPhone X sales, Apple announced today that it will skip the wearables market and develop a line of digital implants for adults. Shipping in the summer of 2018, the Apple iBoob is a breast enhancement device that can store and play music. Sold in pairs, the new Apple iBoobs will cost from $999 to $1399 depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Q: What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? A: Game of Clones Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? A: To get to the Dark Side. Q: What did Emperor Palpatine say to Darth Vader? A: Merry Sithmas. Q: When did Anakin's Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side? A: In the Sith Grade.
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party....A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Yesterday was international women's equality day and international dog day. What a great day for bitches.
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly, he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then, he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then, another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. "This is a brothel" replied the madam. "Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man. "Oh, we're having a yard sale today."
Q: What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute? A: A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
There was a horny young lady named Lil, Who fucked dynamite sticks for a thrill. They found her vagina In North Carolina, And bits of her tits in Brazil!
I love limericks, reminds me of the classic from Jaws ... Here lies the body of Maggie Lee Lived to the age of a hundred and three For fifteen years she kept her virginity Not a bad record for this here vicinity
Love that one! okay... here's another... There was an Old Man of Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, called Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
I don’t think women should be allowed to have kids after 40. 40 kids is way too much by any standard.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. Q: What does she have? A: Huge boobs.
A dad was taking his daughter with him to the barbers and she asked what she was going to do while they were there. Her dad stopped and got her a bug juice and a Twinkie to keep her busy. When it was time for the dad to receive his hair cut his daughter followed along and stood by her dad. The barber told the little girl to go sit down because she might get hair on her twinkie. The little girl responded, "I know, and I'm going to get boobs too"
Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what's going on. He tells his mother, "Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better." "Johnny you are getting more and more like your father everyday." His mother says.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."