Sex & Relationships
You Want to Get Laid, She Wants to Get Paid
by Ron Bucco

Some guys have all the luck.
A paraplegic from Baltimore won a radio contest offering a trip to the Bunny Ranch brothel near Reno, Nevada. The winner was a pretty young guy, so he definitely made the most of his time.

Far from what you'd guess, Nevada's brothels have strict regulations. They're sexual playgrounds, but playgrounds with rules. If you try to break the rules, you will be punished. And not in a good way.

One of the best things about Nevada's brothels: porn actresses! This is not a scam. Both Sheri's and the Bunny Ranch regularly feature these film fantasies. Check out the web sites or call directly to find out the schedules. These girls are more expensive, but c'mon they're porn stars!

I've been told you get more value at the smaller, out of the way houses. But who bargain hunts at a brothel? The V word I'm interested in certainly isn't value.

The brothels listed below are wheelchair accessible. Sheri's and The Chicken Ranch are the larger houses near Las Vegas, about 60 to 70 miles. Located in a cul de sac, the Kit Kat, Miss Kitty's Pussycat Lounge and The Sagebrush are about 35 miles from Reno. Their proximity to each other allows you to check out all three before choosing a girl. The famous Bunny Ranch is just down the street from the trio. Old Bridge Ranch is actually the closest to Reno, about a 15-minute drive. Keep in mind travel time if you use Viagra.

The party houses near Reno tend to be more friendly and less business like than those near Las Vegas. Most brothels have parlors or lounges where you can talk to a few girls before choosing one.

By the way, don't take a cab. The taxis get a cut of the business they bring, which pisses off the girls. A couple of the houses offer a limo free of charge. It's common to rent a car or hire a driver. That mellow sexual haze isn't exactly conducive to safe driving.

If you'd rather ease into the situation, you'll be directed to a bar with overpriced drinks. This isn't so awkward if the lounge is full, like on weekends, or if you're with a friend. Pretty soon a girl will approach you. If you don't vibe with her, move on.

Don't worry about feeling competitive with the able-bodied guys. First, these girls are a sure thing. Second, if you're a nice guy with an even nicer wad of bills, things will work in your favor.

Once you choose a girl, you'll head back to her room where the negotiations will begin. Prices usually start at about $150 for 30 minutes.

This is the time to remember every Penthouse letter you've ever read. Everything is negotiable, except wearing a condom. This is one of those unbreakable rules.

Whatever you want, tell her. If you want her to talk dirty, to fake an orgasm, to use toys�put it all out there. I've heard anal sex is forbidden, but not necessarily. If you're too freaky (rarely the case) or too cheap (more common), she can refuse. If you can't come to an agreement to make you come, ask for a girl who will do what you want for the price you can pay.

Don't let the negotiating bug you. When you think about it, it's the same with regular women. The bargaining doesn't directly involve sums of money, but it's haggling all the same. At least with these girls you know you're going to get some and you won't have to call later.

After you agree on a price and pay up, the girl will inspect your Mini Me for STDs. The penis peek isn't erotic, but it is one of the regulations. Then she'll wash it with an anti-bacterial liquid, the last detour on your way to unfettered sex. Even if you tell her the machinery isn't working, she's going to look.

Now it's time to enjoy yourself.
Let me know how it goes.