People who have never joined in on all the fun that is held within the letters BDSM often wonder: why do bottoms do it? Who would volunteer to submit, to be restrained, and to face the blurry line between pleasure and pain, when instead, you could be the one in charge? These questions often arise for two reasons: the question asker is a top, or they haven’t realized the many benefits of being the bottom. To be clear: BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism) places a significant emphasis on consent—so the bottoms involved are absolutely there because they want to be. In fact, many bottoms (as long as they don’t identify as switches) wouldn’t trade places with tops for all the money in the world. The number one benefit of bottoming is that it’s a sexual turn-on for many people, a feeling of eroticism that they can’t easily attain through other forms of sex. But beyond that, there are mental, physical, and emotional benefits of bottoming. So, let’s talk about what they are and why you might want to try sexual submission. Stress Relief If you’re like me, then if you can be doing something productive, you will be—even on your day off. When bottoms are restrained, they have no choice but to sit still and behave. For some people, being forced to relax is the only option. And for bottoms, being forced is unquestionably the best option. Some tops like to incorporate gags to silence their bottoms, which takes the pressure off to verbally engage in the encounter. Plus, many instances of bottoming include sensory deprivation methods like the use of blindfolds, hoods, or earplugs. People pay good money to lie in sensory deprivation tanks because the reduced stimulation is so relaxing—and science backs this up. Pair that level of relaxation with sex, and you’ve got a seriously calming activity on your hands. And if you’re not convinced yet that ropes + handcuffs + whips = the most soothing way to spend the evening, consider this: BDSM is such an intense activity that the adrenaline you feel during the encounter can lead to a drop in cortisol (meaning stress!) after the encounter. It’s similar to the way exercise works: when you get your heart racing, afterward, your thoughts are clear, and your anxiety subsides a little. It’s more relaxing than vanilla sex precisely because it’s more intense than vanilla sex. Subspace: The Final Frontier If you’ve never gone on a sexy field trip to subspace before, you’re missing out. Ready to get technical? This altered state, unique to bottoms, is what the psychologists call transient hypofrontality. In layman’s terms, this means a temporary state of reduced activity in your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for great things like planning, analyzing, and controlling your impulses, and not-so-great things like your inner critic, stress, and paralyzing inhibition. In much simpler terms, subspace is a meditative feeling that bottoms get when they’ve been having a prolonged “scene” or sexy playtime with their top. It varies between people, but many experience sublime relaxation in one of two different forms: bodily and mental subspaces. If you engage in repetitious pain play like spanking, you will likely reach a physiological subspace. However, if you’re in an intense role-play or humiliation scenario, you might experience a more psychological subspace. Keep in mind, subspace doesn’t occur during every BDSM scene. Practiced kinksters often seek this euphoric feeling out because there’s nothing quite like it. Describing subspace is hard since it’s so subjective. But, a lot of bottoms explain it as a blissful body-high, kind of like they’re floating, definitely transcendent, and a time when their mind is fuzzy. The reason this occurs is the combination of pain and pleasure creates a unique response from your nervous system—and that response is a slice of Valhalla on earth. Subspace is so great that some people experience “subdrop” afterward, which is basically the feeling you get on Monday morning after coming back from a vacation. Your body just got an overload of endorphins, and when they’re gone, you can feel a bit emotional. Responsible tops use aftercare to comfort their bottoms throughout the transition. Intimacy Nothing provides an intimacy boost like BDSM. Intimacy happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable with a partner, and in a typical scene, the bottom is the most vulnerable. Plus, throughout the sexual experience, the bottom develops a deep trust in the top to respect their boundaries and have their best interests in mind. When bottoms are partnered with experienced tops, they can share their deepest desires and watch their fantasies come to life, which is a truly bonding experience. Healing from Trauma Bottoming can be so healing that it’s an actual form of therapy. BDSM therapy can be used to reduce panic attacks and anxiety, and to increase self-love when used correctly. BDSM scenes can vary from exposure therapy (where you confront what you’re afraid of) to a way to feel and express deep emotions that you may not feel comfortable accessing during everyday life, and both of these situations can be healing for tops and bottoms. When everything occurs within the bottom’s boundaries, a sense of trust and optimism can be restored during a meaningful bottoming session. Want to Experience the Benefits of Bottoming? Schedule some time with me, and I can be your gentle (or not so gentle!) introduction into the wild world of bottoming. Email me at [email protected]
