Once Upon A Time, there was a married woman, and she was not happy about her sex life, so she goes to see her doctor about it. Her doctor gives her some pills and tells her to put one in her husband's glass of water before going to sleep and then HAVE FUN. The woman comes back home and tries it the first night. She puts one pill in her husband's glass of water. And that night they have sex. The next night, the woman was happy but not quite content yet, decides to use two pills. That night their love making was even better then the night before. So the third night she decided that if two pills was great, then she would put all the pills in the glass of water. A week later, the doctor calls her house and asks: "Hello, how's the whole family doing?" The son, who answered the phone, answers: "Well, my Mom's dead, my Sister's pregnant, My ass hurts and my Dad is running around naked outside screaming, 'Here KITTY KITTY'."
An elderly couple were at home watching TV. Tom had the remote and was switching back and forth between the hunting channel and the porn channel. Judy became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For God's sake, Tom, leave it on the porn channel. You know how to hunt!"
Someone asked a retiree, "Do you have a job?" He replied, "I am my wife's sexual adviser." Somewhat shocked, they said, "What do you mean by that?" "Very simple," he said, "My wife told me that when she wants my fucking advice, she'll ask for it."
Yesterday my daughter nagged me again about how I spend my time - she wants me to do something useful. “So, sitting around the pool and drinking wine isn't a good thing?” I asked. My "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was 'only thinking of me' and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and join something. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her. I sent an email telling her that I had joined a Parachute Club. She replied, "Mother, are you nuts? You're 78 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?” I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her. She immediately telephoned me and yelled, "Good grief, Mom, where are your glasses?! This is a Membership to a _PROSTITUTE_ CLUB, NOT A PARACHUTE CLUB.” I calmly replied, "Oh my, I think I'm in real trouble then, because I signed up for FIVE JUMPS A WEEK!!” The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted. Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be real fun.
What do you call the white stuff in a girls panties? Clitty-litter. What do you call a baby born in a brothel? A brothel sprout.
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town." Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..." Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home, Dad - you're drunk!"
Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, "Cow For Sale...$5000." He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars." The farmer says, "Oh, yeah? Take a look at this." He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow with a snatch like a woman, and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you're not worth shit."
I was telling a girl in the bar about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. "Really" she said, "Go on then, try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday."
A man comes home from work sporting two black eyes. “What happened to you?” asks his wife. “I’ll never understand women,” he replies. “I was riding on the escalator behind this pretty young girl, when I noticed her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!” “I see, and how did you get the second black eye?” asks his wife. He replies, “Well, I figured she liked it that way, so I pushed it back in again.”
A teacher trying to teach good manners asked one of her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said: "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back." "That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
News Bulletin – London – July 4, 2017 QUEEN OFFERS TO RESTORE BRITISH RULE OVER UNITED STATES In an unexpected televised address on Saturday, Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America. Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.” “This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn’t end well,” she said. The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin “with a minimum of bother.” Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, “Parliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you’d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.” Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person “very occasionally.” Just in - The Above is Fake News - Following is the actual full text In the light of your failure to govern yourselves with dignity, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Theresa May, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) has appointed former PM Tony Blair as minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up 'aluminium'. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix 'ize' will be replaced by the suffix 'ise'. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up 'vocabulary'. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up 'interspersed'. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often. 2. There is no such thing as 'US English'. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize'. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart' will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is 'Devon'. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become 'shires' e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as 'Men Behaving Badly' or 'Red Dwarf' will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, 'God Save The Queen', but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American 'football'. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American 'football' is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays 'American' football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American 'football', but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2018. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called 'rounders' which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs. 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. 'Merde' is French for 'Shit'. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called 'Indecisive Day'. 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called 'crisps'. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. 11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself. 12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as 'beer', and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as 'Lager'. The substances formerly known as 'American Beer' will henceforth be referred to as 'Near-Frozen Knat's Urine', with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as 'Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine'. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion. 13. From November 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or 'Gasoline' as you will be permitted to keep calling it until July 10 2017) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (- get used to it). 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun. 15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your cooperation.
Thank you for the news update, TS! Under the new governance, my knowledge of English television will come in handy!
There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well- endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the end." They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity. The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the middle of it." They discussed this, and decided it would change the texture and feel of it. The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of it." They discussed this, too, and agreed that it might give him erection problems. The doctors heard a sniffling, and looked over at the nurse who had tears running down her cheeks. The nurse cried, "Can't we just make his legs longer?"
THE SHEEP FARMER AND HIS FRIES There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash. "No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!" The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper. This went on for three days . . . and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper. On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farm hand was and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell!"
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands in the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies: "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
One day wee Jordan was out walking with his lass in the fields of Scotland. While walking through the heather the lass says; "ah wee Jordan I can tell you want to hold my hand!" Wee Jordan says "aye lass that I do, but how can you tell?" "Well" she says "I can tell by the gleam in your eye." Walking along a bit further she says to him "wee Jordan I can tell you want to give me a kiss". "Well, aye lass that I do, but how can you tell?" "Ah wee Jordan, i can tell by the gleam in your eye!" Walking along a bit further she says "Wee Jordan I can tell you want to make love to me." He says, "Aye lass that I do! you can tell by the gleam in my eye!" "No!" she says... "by the tilt in your kilt!"
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is doing. Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying... "A little more to the left... a little more to the right"
How to install a southern home security system: 1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 15 men’s work boots, and place them on your porch with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine. 2. Place four of the biggest dog bowls you can find on the porch next to the boots and magazines. 3. Leave a note on the door that reads: Bubba, Me, Jimbo and Buck went to get more beer and ammo. Be back in a bit. Don’t mess with the pitbulls, they got the mailman real bad yesterday. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, locked ’em all in the house, so you better wait outside. Be right back. -Cooter
Honey, sweetheart, love of my life, I didn't say your were a heartless b*tch. I said your had all the warmth and charm of wet dish rag, see there's a difference.
My ex-wife and I used to have oral sex constantly. I would see her and say "f*ck you", she would see me and say "f*ck you". Oh how I miss those days.....NOT!!!
A teacher passed out Life Savers so the children could associate flavors with colors. The children began to identify the flavors by their color: Red....................Cherry Yellow................Lemon Green..................Lime Orange ..............Orange Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste. The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.’ One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes! The teacher had to leave the room!
OMG rather than rounders do you think they'll make us play cricket? Ahem some of us drink Hefeweisen hand-crafted beer, so yes get that weak a$$ crap out of here. As for the telly, bring on the British humor and indeed if you can't handle the language, stick to colouring books and playdough (see where I added the u's already )
A blonde was in the housewares aisle at the store when a clerk asked her if she needed any help. "Yes, I don't know what all these new gadgets are can you explain a few?" "Certainly that's what I'm here for. What did you have a question about?" "What's that?" as she pointed. "That's a lemon zester, you use this edge to lightly go around a lemon and get lemon shavings so it can add flavor to your cooking." The blonde replied, "Wow, okay what's that?" as again she pointed to another gadget. "Oh, that's a thermos," the clerk opened it and showed her the inside, "it's a double-walled container that insulates food, so it will keep hot things hot and cold things cold." "Oh my God, that's perfect, I need one of those." She took the item, thanked the clerk and went home. The next day at work sitting at her desk she had her thermos sitting there and her coworker across the way was so intrigued. "What is that on your desk?" The blonde being proud of learning about her new gadget replied, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, it's double-walled so it's insulated." Her coworker was impressed, "Gee, that's a great idea, so what do you have in there?" The blonde perked up, "I have 2 cups of coffee and a popsicle in there."
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself. She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is doing. Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying... "A little more to the left... a little more to the right"
Since you liked that: Declaration To Annex The British Isles to the USA July 6, 2017 To the imperialist British colonizers. In the light of your indecision over joining a common European Currency, your dissatisfaction with the European Union, your bickering with European Governments and the fact that you already almost speak our language and refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a State of America. Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to replace your old postal districts. The state capital will be Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London. Princess Diana will be declared a saint. You have already assimilated so much American culture that you are unlikely to notice the transition. To aid in the assimilation, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. Look up 'aluminum' in any good American Dictionary. Check the spelling and pronunciation guide. We discovered it, we named it, you are mispronouncing it. Learn to live with it. You are, of course welcome to your idiosyncratic and illogical place-names such as Edinburgh, if you wanted it pronounced 'Eddinburra' you have spelled it that way in the first place. You will quit using words such as 'fortnight'. The correct term is 'a two week period'. You will learn words such as 'credenza', 'intern' and 'chad'. 2. There is no such thing as 'UK English'. UK English is the relic of a defunct colonialist power which attempted to impose British English linguistic superiority on a nation which has a higher number of English speakers. 3. Your film-makers should learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents. American accents are not limited to redneck drawls or New York accents. Mainland Americans have more than enough accents to cope with in our own country, so all British dramas will now bear subtitles, especially those made in impenetrable dialects such as Scottish, Scouse or Geordie. To make life easier for mainland America, all British films and TV programs must use American vocabulary and accents; Scotch characters will wear plaid, Irish characters will have shamrocks on them, Welsh characters will not be used since we don't have Welsh Americans, and English characters will wear bowler hats and pinstripes. 4. The British film industry will no longer portray all Americans as cowboys, rednecks, trailer trash or Beverly Hills billionaires. Hollywood will continue to use 'Mockney' and 'Posh' British accents as this makes it easier for viewers to identify which characters are British. You can have Hugh Grant back. He's a lousy actor and we don't want him either. All British films will be made in Hollywood where the weather and scenery are better. Your film industry is already unable to make a halfway-decent film which doesn't contain a American in the starring role. All American characters should be 'good guys'. 5. You will learn your new national anthem 'The Star Spangled Banner'. It shall be sung every morning at kindergarten, high school, university and your places of work. Your Union Flag will be hung up any damn way we wish so stop bitching about it being upside down. If there was meant to be a right way up you should have made it simpler. All Union flags will be replaced by the Stars and Stripes over a 12 month period of time. 6. You should stop playing soccer and rugby. There is no need to have two games, one of which is confusingly like Football and one of which is called football but patently isn't real football. If it doesn't require 45 pounds of padding, it isn't football. You should also stop playing cricket. Americans can't understand the rules. If you insist on playing this game which is only played by former British colonies, you will introduce a simplified scoring system, timeouts, colored strips and cheerleaders to make it more interesting. Any match which takes longer than 90 minutes will be declared a draw. 7. In films, as in real life, we decide who the bad guys are. The bad guys are those guys who don't do as we tell them. They are also the guys who attract the biggest audiences into movie theaters. You will cease using the word 'cinema'. They are 'movie theaters'. The snippets of forthcoming films are not 'trailers' they are 'teasers'. 8. November 5th is no longer a day for fireworks. July 4th is the appropriate fireworks festival. If you want a big fireworks party on November 5th, we will help you to blow up your Houses of Parliament. You won't be needing them any longer; Disneyland London will be situated there. Hunting with packs of dogs is also banned. Instead, you will go hunting with a pick-up truck, some six-packs of beer, two coon hounds and enough guns and ammo to equip a private militia. There is also no such activity as 'caravanning'. It is properly called 'camping'. The thing boy scouts do with tents and bedrolls is called 'tenting'. 9. Roundabouts will be banned. What is the point of turning left in order to turn right? They are confusing to Americans and are death traps. You will start driving on the right with immediate effect. Most of the world drives on the right already. You will be allowed to turn right on a red light if safe to do so though you must check local county legislation as this is not permitted in all areas. 10. Those things which you call chips are cholesterol-soaked abominations. You will start to eat fries - light fluffy potato in crisp coating. If you want to eat British-style fried potato sticks you will need a certificate from your doctor and good medical insurance. Beer is to be served cold. The warm, flat drink you call beer is properly termed 'ale' and the FDA have determined it to be unfit for human consumption. You will also learn the difference between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid causing unnecessary confusion to mainland Americans. 11. All inter-personal communications between family members, even if resident in the same house, must be through a lawyer. It is compulsory to sue somebody at least once per year - be inventive. It is compulsory to have therapy three times each week and to recover false memories of your childhood which allow you to sue your parents and/or your therapist. Therapy will take the place of speaking to family members. You will be given compulsory courses on how to become dysfunctional. Name your children after interesting medical conditions. 12. You will not have guns. In the eyes of Mainland Americans you are wayward children. Children are not permitted to play with firearms unless they have a legitimate reason to do so i.e. they plan to gun down the population of a small town (self-defense) or slaughter every living creature within a mile radius (hunting). Thank you for your co-operation. You will be assimilated. Footnote: Resistance is futile. Just ask Hawaii. By the way, Ireland and Scotland should be separate states. They have entirely different cultures and languages from the Norman fops. To avoid supporting third world countries and welfare states (the reason for NOT annexing Mexico), Canada, Australia, New Zealand, should become independent nations. The Falkland Islands should become an 'American Protectorate' like Puerto Rico, Samoa, The Philippines, Guam and other places that are neat to vacation. America should take back Hong Kong immediately. Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/
A question had appeared in a student's medical examination which read: "List four benefits of breast milk." A student began to answer the question: 1. No need to bottle it. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. But the fourth point eluded him. When there were barely a couple of minutes before the exam ended, the fourth point flashed before his mind. So he completed the answer by writing: 4. Available in attractive containers.
Social Science Fact: 1 in 4 men are completely clueless, so if you walk into a room and can't figure out which guy is clueless....you're it.
Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?" Brunette: "I don’t know." Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!" Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.
A young man was shopping in a department store. He sees an extremely attractive salesgirl and says, "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." "Will there be anything else?" the sales girl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."
