If you go to jail for tax evasion, you’re living off taxes because you didn’t pay taxes. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Somebody heard snoring and thought, "Yeah, that's the letter Z." -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
They say money can’t buy happiness, but antidepressants sure aren’t free. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
When Hollywood actors brush their teeth in movies there’s no toothpaste foam. When I brush my teeth I get foam on my lips, my chin, my shirt, the mirror and my toes. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Sucking on a hard candy until it completely dissolves without chewing it is an incredible feat of self control. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Vampires were just people in the middle ages with anemia and a kink -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Everyone who lives on an island also lives on top of a sea mountain -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
If it takes 10000 hours to be an expert at something, when you turn 1 year and 52 days old you will technically be an expert at life -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
At some point, we all stopped caring about personalizing ringtones -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Cats are popular online cause the dog people are outside walking their pet -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
As bad as gangsters and mobsters may be, they are generally very good at carpooling -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Supposedly, it's as easy to bite through your finger as it is to bite through a carrot but no one's brave enough to prove it -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
As soon as someone claims somebody's lying, somebody's lying -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
The show "How It's Made" will eventually serve as an archive of past technology -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
If you step on a bug, there's a chance you could have ended a bloodline going on since the dawn of time -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Shoes are probably the dirtiest article of clothing we regularly wear, yet they are washed the least often. -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
Maybe cats annoy us at night when we're asleep because that's what we do to them in the day -Pure heart with a dirty mind, Randy Ryder
