@Slider 's post involving cheese reminded him of a score he wanted to settle with White Castle. For years they'd been selling burgers under his name and he intended to put a stop to it. So he stormed into their closest location, where he was going to let the person at the counter know that he wanted his share of the profits or there would be hell to pay! But when he got there he found that all the counter personnel had been replaced by touch-screen kiosks. So he ordered some Corn Dog Nibblers, which was almost as good as what he came in for.
@Jim DiGriz eats only yellow Peanut M&Ms with his fingers... the others must be eaten with chopsticks!
@Slider is on Day 15 of a cross country walk but is only 2 miles into his journey! He is rethinking the stilettos he chose to wear!
kmerrill is a butter inspector for the Federal government. He is tasked with enforcing 21 USC §§331, 333 & 21 CFR §136.110(c)(17) which make it a federal crime to add colored butter to buns, bread or rolls, if the intensity of the butter color exceeds “medium high” when viewed under diffused light (7400 Kelvin) against the Munsell Butter Color Comparator. @CrimeADay
@Lunch Buffett has a life size Darth Vader and a life size Terminator that he has turned into a giant Rock'em Sock'em Robots game!
@Lunch Buffett really did buy life sized Darth Vader and Terminator figures. They cost him everything he had, but with their perfect detailing he couldn't have been happier. But when a tragedy drove him to bankruptcy and nobody could help him, his happiness turned into bitterness. Using rituals of black magic that he'd learned from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Lunch planned to give those figures life and turn them loose on the world that had so cruelly wronged him. But as they began to move, he realized he'd made a critical mistake - He'd forgotten to ask for control over them. The Terminator opened fire on Darth Vader, but he was used to being shot at and used the Force to deflect the bullets and destroy the gun. He was not used to an opponent with superhuman strength or the punch that crushed his chestplate. With a curse, Vader blasted the Terminator into his component parts and then turned towards his "savior". But when his breathing apparatus failed, he was staggered for a moment and Lunch leapt forward and asked the dark powers for one last boon . . . When the police arrived, they found a Darth Vader statue and a floor littered with machinery parts. The statue went up for sale but had no buyers (after all, who's going to want to spend thousands of dollars on a damaged collectible?) and eventually went through the crusher in a junkyard. Upon its destruction, everyone in the area felt an inexplicable sense of relief and went on with their day. What they did not know is that Vader would indeed have gone on to subjugate humanity, had not Lunch stopped him. For when he beseeched those wicked forces from beyond the veil, he offered the only thing they wanted - his nobility of character. In return, they gave him the ability to fight Vader in his own mind. On that day, Lunch fought the Destroyer Of Worlds. And earned at least a draw.
@Jim DiGriz is obsessed with the film "Avatar" and paints himself blue every weekend while hanging around the house!
@BigAlbowski paints himself blue for every football game he goes to. He fits in at a Chicago Bears game, but at Green Bay Packers games there've been . . . disagreements with other fans.
Every weekend (after painting himself blue), @Jim DiGriz likes to stroll around his neighborhood, singing the old standard 'Am I Blue?' at the top of his lungs, to the annoyance of... pretty much everyone. One elderly gentleman, in particular, even went so far as to call the whole blue-themed spectacle "racially insensitive", and an "act of cultural appropriation". The man did not wish to identify himself, for fear of reprisal, but did file a formal complaint and release a statement, which was read by his spokesman/attorney/son, outside his office in Smurf Village. . .
@Slider lives in an exact replica of the Skipper and Gilligan's hut from Gilligans Island and sleeps in the upper hammock. He is currently looking for a lower hammock hut mate.
@BigAlbowski was talking with his friends about who was the most attractive woman on Gilligan's Island. Some said Mary Ann because of her natural beauty and some said Ginger because of her polished looks. Then Al said he preferred Mrs. Howell. When his friends looked at him strangely for that choice, he said: "What?!? I like a woman who knows her way around a croquet mallet and which fork to use at dinner!"
Actually Mrs. Howell was HOT!!! @Jim DiGriz takes courses in conversational Klingon because he is convinced the new US Space Force is new and untested and can't protect us from the Klingon Empire!
@BigAlbowski actually went to the brothels this Halloween dressed as a Klingon. Things took a turn for the worse when the asked the lady he was talking with: "Hey, you wanna see my bat'leth?" She misunderstood, sniffed haughtily, and replied: "This isn't that kind of brothel!"
Perpetually dissatisfied with the unnatural feeling of condom sex, @Jim DiGriz went to Yoda for advice.. Yoda offered a practical strategy: "Two condoms in your daily life you must wear. Then, when time for sex it is, one condom remove, and like a wildman you will feel!" . .
@Slider has a lion for a pet and weekly buys three whole cows in order to feed him. His name is Skippy!
@BigAlbowski has the ability to speak backwards, which can bring great hilarity when listening to records with conservative religious people
@RoxyGold studied the art of Origami and is attempting the rare feat of the 1 millimeter swan fold.... The attempt has taken over 50 lives and driven hundreds to madness!!!
@BigAlbowski was 20 minutes into a 2-hour meeting where the people who called it were on the verge of agreeing on what the meeting should be about. Bored out of his mind, Al did an origami stick figure. Nothing complex, but it gave him something to do. His co-worker next to him saw it, smiled, and gave him a thumbs-up. Over time, Al made origami of increasing complexity - a panther, a dragonfly, even The Kraken! He was entertaining more and more people and being invited to more and more meetings, even to departments outside of his job (seriously, there's a department just for actuaries?!?). Eventually he started to enjoy going to them and they even got shorter because people were too busy looking at his work to get involved in the actual meeting.
@Jim DiGriz was the one vote against Derek Jeter denying him the unanimous vote into the Baseball Hall of Fame.
@BigAlbowski was at a baseball game but forgot his beer money, so he had to go through the whole game sober. He kept trying to grab a nap but then the announcer would wake him up: "3 and 2, that one went right through the strike zone." He envied everyone else who was enjoying the game the way it was intended to be - snoggered out of their minds. "High and outside, 1 and 3" Eventually it got to the point where he thought the game was almost over, but when the people next to him talked about how great it was that they were halfway to the 7th inning stretch, Al knew he had to do something. "Waaaay outside - that one must've been for someone else's strike zone!" Strike zone - strike zone. Why did that phrase keep bouncing around in his head?!? And that's when Al had his solution. Getting some of his friends, he formed Strike Zone, the unofficially official band of Major League Baseball. Everybody won! Al had money for beer at the games, the MLB got someone they could pay minimum wage, and the fans finally had something to do besides argue about the infield fly rule. (Plus they got Bob Uecker out of retirement as the band roadie - he keeps things interesting when games go into extra innings.)
@Jim DiGriz has desire to make a solar powered RC Car with camera and drive it cross country from his computer
@RoxyGold has mastered her body chemistry to produce pheromones that allow her to bend any man to her will... Not that she needs them... The pheromones that is!
@BigAlbowski learned @RoxyGold 's technique to produce pheromones. He wasn't interested in the seduction aspect, but was interested in using that knowledge as a springboard to control his entire autonomic nervous system. With total control over his body, he had complete recall of everything he saw and enhanced speed, strength, and reflexes through control of his adrenal glands. Of course, when you're physically and mentally superior to everyone around you, you attract attention. In Al's case, it resulted in a visit from monks. Some very upset monks. The reason they were upset, they explained to Al, is that while seeking spiritual enlightenment sounded noble it didn't exactly pay the bills. Their only income stream was teaching others to improve their minds and bodies via deep meditation and tea. But when the public saw that none of this was necessary, the monks lost customers. As such, they needed Al to stop being exceptional and attempted to deliver a cease-and-desist order with the blunt end of a bo staff. Al's reflexes kept him ahead of the monks, but he'd get creamed eventually. So he remembered every martial-arts trope, selected the best one, and said: "Hey! What's the sound of one hand clapping?" This distracted the monks for a moment and Al got the hell out of there!
@Jim DiGriz has taught bears to Tango and Waltz. He tried to teach them the Macarena but they tried to maul him.
As well they should have - the Macarena is to dancing what Full House was to sit-coms. @BigAlbowski gambles on the Super Bowl differently than others. Instead of points scored or yards rushed, he bets on the number of politicians involved in a scandal each quarter. (He used to include sleeping with an intern in the count, but he'd lose track by the end of the first half.)
@Jim DiGriz tried to steal the Lombardi trophy after the Super Bowl but was thwarted and soundly beaten by J-Lo and Shakira
@BigAlbowski tried (misguidedly) to explain to @Jim DiGriz what a 'Lombardi Trophy' is: BigAlbowski: "So the team that wins the Super Bowl gets something called the Lombardi Trophy and - " Jim DiGriz: "I thought the winner got rings." BA: "Well, the players each get a ring, but the team gets the trophy." J: "And then next year they have to give the trophy to that year's Super Bowl winner?" BA: "No, each winner gets their own trophy." J: "So they have to give the rings back?" BA: "What?!? No! Each year's winner gets to keep everything!" J: "Then who gets the Stanley Cup?" BA: "What are you even - that's hockey!!! Have you never watched sports?!?" J: "I, uh, grew up mainly reading comic books . . ."
@Jim DiGriz was an aspiring Teppenyaki Chef until he accidentally blinded a customer by flipping a shrimp at them and burning them with an onion volcano!
@BigAlbowski Was with James Cameron in the Challenger Deep. He is the only other person in world who knows what is inside the door they found there. Rumor has it that the two of them swore a pact to protect all life on this planet by never revealing what was inside.
@Madscience auditioned for the role of Cliff Booth in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood but lost the role to Brad Pitt because Tarantino wanted someone less attractive for the part!
