Write a children's book featuring illustrations of all of your cats! My 3rd level wyzerd ran into a 10th level dragon guarding a giant golden dildo. The paladin who was with me was last seen running south while muttering, "I didn't sign up for this s**t!". Any advice?
Great Speech! Become a volunteer motivational speaker and travel cross country delivering this to Hospital patients and High School Students. They need to hear what you have to say. I'm a therapist and sometimes I just want to scream at my patients, "What the fuck made you think that could ever be a good idea?!"
Keep playing till you get that dildo! Whatever doesn't kill you will only almost kill you. I'm thinking about breaking the Guiness Book of World Records for most prolific Bigamist.
Stop thinking and GO FOR IT! I believe in you, you CAN break that record! I keep getting visited by aliens, but they haven’t probed me for my DNA. Am I not attractive enough? Have I been “friend zoned” by aliens?
The alien is Mork from Ork. Na-Nu Na-Nu! He was exiled from Ork because of his excessive use of humor, which is not permitted. He's on Earth to observe human behavior and report back via brain waves. Shazbot! My computer refuses to work until I admit there's such a thing as 'Silicon Heaven'. It's where robots, calculators, toasters and hair dryers go when they stop functioning. I have a report due tomorrow! How do I convince it to go back to work?
Do whatever your computer tells you to do. It's been your master all long anyway. You might as well accept that reality. I've been told only truly spiritual people can handle venomous snakes without getting bitten. I think I'm a truly spiritual person. That makes me safe, right?
Most definitely makes you safe and you should get a pet snake. I can't stop staring at my naked self in the mirror....
Stop staring at yourself right now! You can go blind from seeing too much beauty! I'm in the mood to debate politics on facebook so I can win hearts and change people's views.
Invite your Facebook friends to your house and serve them marijuana infused pork curry. That way, you can alter their minds and their views at the same time! My Groinal Exploder is malfunctioning! Do you know anyone who can fix it?
Why would you get your eyes checked? You're getting twice the view. Enjoy! A little old lady left her purse behind at the bus top. Shopping spree for meeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
Woohooooo! Yay for your good fortune! Shop till you drop! My butt is too big to fit into my jeans from high school, and the reunion is next week! What’s a gal to do?
You could definitely hurt the structure of the house so make sure if he's living there he's required to be a living beam and hold up ....I don't know ....the stairs. I can't stop licking my toe jam...
That's actually a healthy habit and will attract hot men who love flexible women. Never stop. I'm going to give up being a courtesan to shovel Elephant poop in the Circus so anti-Brothel advocates will finally approve of my choices.
Splendid idea. It's so important to live your life to please other people! I am planning to go to a war torn third world country for vacation this year to save money.
Go to Iraq..That should be so much fun, I bet working girls are cheaper there too. I want to spend all my money on shopping
As long as you're shopping for ME - I think you should go all out! Mortgage your house and sell your car if you need to! I've just bought a plane ticket to Nigeria. There's a Prince there waiting for me with millions of dollars I inherited from a relative I didn't even know I had.
How exciting! Before heading back to the States with your inheritance, stop by the bazaar and pick me up a monkey’s paw! My friend is having a mid life crisis and trying to grow his mullet back. His wife hates it, but I am becoming very attracted to him. What do I do?
obviously invite him to the bordello because we uphold the upmost discretion in the industry.... maybe just don't let him schedule on the same dates as his wife.... when I'm trying to reply to message board, I keep pecking at the keyboard like i'm a bird... what do i do?
Sounds like a selfish polygamists ideal table for two at the bordellos anytime. I can't sleep much anymore. What should I do?
By addressing things at the right time, just like right now! Ha! I can’t teach my dog not to jump on people!
Bring a different girl home and do it to her in front of your girlfriend to show her its not so bad. I scare the missionaries when I open the door?
I suggest you stop answering the door in your Dominatrix outfit. My wife refuses to wear lingerie, how do I convince her to spice things up?
Have her old things meet with a “laundry accident” that shrunk and shredded them into tiny bits of lace. I can’t cook, no matter how hard I try to learn! I always burn everything!
Lower your standards and just settle for the things on the lower shelves... Why do I feel like no one wants to talk to me?
Quit whispering, project and enunciate when speaking. My wife won't blow me, she says it makes her gag, but my mistress says she loves it when I make her gag. What should I do?
